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One of the worst feelings in the world is to have someone judge you off of a mistake that you made. It’s difficult enough dealing with personal guilt but to have to be reminded by others is like pouring salt into a wound. The question was asked of me, “how do you move on when people are constantly reminding you of what you’ve done in the past”. As someone who’s made quite a few mistakes in my lifetime these are the things I shared with them.
“In your life, where are you not making mistakes? Sometimes if there’s no mess, there’s no change happening.” ~Brendon Burchard
The first thing you have to do is deal with your own guilt. The reason why you become so easily bothered by people’s reminders is because you still feel guilty about it yourself. One of the hardest things I had to do was forgive myself. There was a time that everything I did was about making up for my mistakes. Even my parenting was affected because I felt so hard pressed to prove to my children that I was trust worthy. Self-forgiveness is not easy and I’ll be the first to tell you it took me some time.
“Forgiveness for one’s self is the only way we can keep going through life and give ourselves the best chance at being the best people we can be.” ~Yolanda Hadid
A part of my self-forgiveness process was to take steps to better improve myself. I made sure that every day I was progressing towards the person I wanted to be. The key thing I did was I distanced myself from negative people. When you are going through life transitions the last person you want around you is someone who’s going to add to your misery. Distancing and setting myself apart proved to be one of the best moves I made.
Another thing I did that was just as important, is I surrounded myself with positive people. Everybody needs a support team. As independent as I am, I learned the importance of having people I could lean on to speak good things into my life. Even when I had moments of berating myself, I had someone who could help me put things back into perspective. They are the ones who pushed me to believe that I was bigger than my mistakes.
“Choose to focus your time, energy and conversation around people who inspire you, support you and help you to grow you into your happiest, strongest, wisest self.” ~Karen Salmansohn
Lastly, I started doing things that made me feel good. I created progress reports for myself and kept up with my successes through a journal. This helped give me a visual and provided tangible proof that I was in a good place. I also threw myself back into the things I loved to do. I got more involved in my church and in my community. These things gave me the confidence that I needed to let the guilty feelings go once and for all. What I came to realize was that I was the same person after the mistake as I was before but more wiser.
“Do what makes you feel good. Remind yourself of what you’re good at and make sure you do that.” ~Jessie J.
Once you see the progress you’ve made and start to feel good about your accomplishments it lessens the impact of people’s words. You come to understand that in spite of your mistakes life goes on. Finally you’re able to look at your own life and see that you’re bigger than your mistakes. Then you can complete the process of healing and forgiving yourself.
It’s easy for a person to forget the mistakes they’ve made when they are wagging their finger at you. But trust and believe everybody has made at least one mistake in their lifetime. No one is perfect nor are they exempt from making mistakes. Don’t allow anyone to make you believe that you’re in some mysterious mistake maker box–YOU’RE NOT. More importantly, don’t allow people to hold you hostage to your mistakes. At the end of the day, you have to remember that there is an opportunity for redemption. You are not defined by your mistakes.
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I probably beat myself up about mistakes as much, if not more, than anyone else does! The important thing I try and remember is that everyone makes them and that each one gives us opportunity to grow and learn. Great post x
“Grow & Learn” Yes indeed.
This post really hit home for me. Thanks for sharing. Loved it.
Thank you. I’m so glad that you were able to get something from it.
Really nice post <3
Thank you 😊