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And the journey continues…
This is the 4th post in my journey to love series. Today’s post is a little advice to anyone who may be interested in pursuing or currently is dating someone who lives “far far away”. My story is that I met this wonderful man and discovered there were over 643 miles between us. Determined not to let distance be a factor, we decided we would venture to get to know each other and see if we could build something together. We have faced a few hurdles but we’re committed to making things work.
“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope”. ~Maya Angelou
“Sometimes the hurdles aren’t really hurdles at all. They’re welcome challenges, tests”. ~Paul Walker
What advice would I give to someone who’s dating someone from a distance?
- Learn Your Communication Language
Communication is one of the most important tools to building and maintaining any relationship. It is probably the most important when dating someone long distance. You will need to learn how to communicate effectively with one another.
In the beginning, he shared with me his difficulty in expressing his emotions and I shared with him that one of my love languages is “Words of Affirmation”. (If you’ve never read Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend it. Here’s a link to take the test and discover your own love language). http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I must admit I was skeptical after learning this about him. I am a person who thrives off of expressed sentiments in relationships so I knew I would have to find a creative way to have this need fulfilled.
- Be adaptable to change.
The biggest change I made was in choosing to speak less and listen more. As a person who loves to talk, this has been one of the most difficult adjustments for me. However, in being less talkative, I have learned so much more about him. Turns out he’s more talkative than I expected and when we talk he opens up and shares a lot.
I’ve also learned to listen with both ears and eyes. I listen to how his voice changes when he’s really passionate about something and observe his range of facial expressions when he’s deeply engrossed in conversation. Hurdle #1 Conquered
- Be Direct; Ask for What You Need
The other change I made was instead of waiting for him to tell me things, I simply ask. He agreed in the beginning that he would be understanding when I need to hear certain things from him. Relying on his brutal honesty (which I love because I’m brutally honest too), I ask him direct questions. Just yesterday I texted him, “Is there any thing we could or should do OR anything you would change in terms of how we communicate?” His response, “I gotta get better at it.” (LOL) It doesn’t get any better than that. He admits his flaws and he works on them. I appreciate that he is willing to work on it. Hurdle #2 Conquered
All in all, what I’ve learned is that you have to enter long distance relationships with an open mind, be adaptable to change and willing to compromise. And more than anything, you have to be creative. Get accustomed to dating via Face-time. I have a newfound appreciation for video chat.
I’m so excited about this journey. I can’t wait to share some of the sweet things he’s said that makes me blush like a school girl. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I believe “he’s the one”.
Don’t forget to go back and read:
Journey to Love: Near In Heart But Far Apart
Journey to Love: Love at First Sight
Journey to Love: Taking Things One Day at a Time
I had the idea that long distance relationships didn’t work but with today’s technology you can technically see the person everyday. And the things you wrote there are truly essential to keep things working and it’s beautiful when love is strong!
When two hearts are meant to be together anything is possible. ❤️ Thanks you.
That is so true! Wish you all the happiness!